Better than "Slowenbier"

Yes, our friends (my friends? my would-be friends?) at Schlenkerla Bierbrauerei have finally packaged their renowned Fastenbier—a Lenten smoked seasonal brew previously available on draft only, and (to date) still the top-ranked rauchbier on beer rating website (among beers with 4 or more reviews). (Editor's note: evidently it appears to be the top-ranked smoked beer on several beer reviewing websites.)

So how is it? I lovingly prize the cap off the bottle, attempting to keep it intact; it's a shiny purple one and would look great as an ornament on my Christmas tree (which is generally beer-themed). I bend it, obviously.

My hero Matt Brown at Wine Warehouse described described this as a more approachable rauchbier, and after he offered it as a featured beer at a recent tasting, he proved himself right and sold himself out of every bottle. Excepting of course the one he saved for me (like I said, he is a hero).

To smell this, the smoke is intense, and I think it's the same beechwood as their flagship line (I prefer their oak-smoked, which only costs a little more. Also I enjoy other types of wood for smoking, like applewood, but these folks are traditionalists and who am I to argue with delicious tradition?) When you sip it, it's thick, and this is the point of a Lent beer—it's designed to sustain monks who are fasting, and in Bavaria, beer still enjoys legally protected status as food. The smoke is on the acrid side, but that hefty backbone keeps it from being overpowering. The copy text for the beer says it has a 'hoppy bite', (but these are Germans we're talking about) and while it does have some bitterness to it, it's not 'American hoppy' by any stretch of the imagination. It also claims to be made with a percentage of unsmoked malt, which you might never guess, because it's pretty darn smoky.

It's unfiltered and vintage dated "Anno Domini MMXV", but I drank it fresh. I guess it might do things over time, but it's hard for me to imagine what. Especially being brewed as a once-a-year seasonal, I think you'd be ill-advised to put this one away.

Anyway, this beer is a success, and may finally (please?) make 2015 the Year of the Smoky Beer, which I have been predicting (unsuccessfully) for the past three years (at least). Restauranteurs and chefs love 'em; they hold up much better with food than many other beverages (beers included). The brew is a success for being thick and substantial, which keeps smoke from becoming acrid or overwhelming (for another example, see New Holland Charkoota Rye, though for the past few years this has been only available in a brandy-barrel aged variety, which is also fantastic, but buries the lede a bit)

Woodland Empire Crispy Apple Turnover

I bought this at Beer Mongers late into (yet not at the end of) an evening of attempting to keep pace with my one-time beer mentor, fulfilling my role as Portland tour guide over an epic few nights of bar hopping.

I'm not sure why exactly I lighted on this one, but I'm glad I did. Probably because of the word "Crispy," which is irresistible to drunk people, and arguably impossible for a beer to be (though 'crisp' is another matter). The beer itself, while made with apples, doesn't beat you over the head with them, and the finish, surprisingly, is a sort of caramel that turns into... flaky pastry flavor? Like a croissant? The name seems pretty apt really, and the really special part is that even though it's slightly warming at 10% (you would not know this, to taste it), it doesn't linger or coat your palate. It's pretty good. Smell wise, I guess it could smell more appley. And taste-wise too. Why are they called Apple Jacks if they don't taste like apple? It also has an aspect of 'generic strong beer' that I could do without.

The label is cool too. A dog with ram horns, a Dungeons and Dragons d20, and a sword with elvish on it. I guess ultimately I could take or leave this beer, but it's decent, so if you think you might like it, I'm not gonna say you nay.