Burnside Lichtenhainer

Just got back from California, where I bore witness to strange depravities and took part in some myself. Also inspiring acts of human kindness to which I should aspire. It's a weird place. Everything is more expensive there except liquor, which explains a lot, actually. But that's all I'm going to write about that adventure, at least for now.

Picked up a bottle of this from the Beer Mongers and poured into a Fin du Monde tulip. It was beat up when I got it from Goodwill, and my dishwasher has removed much of the gilt lettering, which is ironic considering how terrible it is at actually washing dishes.

I was unsure when I bought this, because I would've sworn I tried some kind of Burnside beer at the brewery that claimed to be smoky or something and was bogus instead. But this one's legit. The smell is light and slightly smoky, slightly wheaty, slightly funky, and slightly like graham crackers, which I cannot explain. But I do enjoy it. It's an alcohol-light beer that's big on flavor. If it were cheaper (and it's not terribly expensive as-is), I would consume this pretty regularly. It does tend to coat the palate though. Taste-wise, it's a little tart, kinda like a dry lemonade. There's oak there but it's subtle. Like if kids made a lemonade stand and only had an oak cask and no sugar. If that sounds like something you'd enjoy, try this. I enjoy it, for what it's worth.

Hair of the Dog Adam from the Wood (Rye)

Pours like oil. If carbonation is what you seek, it's time to re-adjust your expectations. Smells like a HotD barrel series beer, seriously oxidized and rich. Like Adam, but crossed with Madeira. To drink, you do get a bit of that rye edge, which is probably for the best because it comes across as kinda syrupy and could be too sweet otherwise. That's actually the main balancing force at play here. To be honest, I was hoping for something a little more mind-blowing fresh, but as for the other couple of bottles I bought of this, I'll either sit on em for a few years, or trade em. I'll have to try the bourbon version too, but word on the street was that rye is where it's at.

NB: These are not, to my knowledge actually labeled on the bottle as to which aging treatment they have received. The tint on the label background is dark green for rye, and maroon for bourbon.

Oak 'Em if you Got 'Em

Schlenkerla Eiche 2010

Holy shit, I was unprepared for the magnificence of this beer. Let me preface with the statement that this beer is among my favorites of all time, especially in the smoke category. But speaking of time, I had no idea that it cellared this well. If I had, I'd have bought a case in 2010. It's a more tempered, balanced smoke than the other Schlenkerla offerings (due to oak rather than beech) and commands a slightly more premium price (same reason). This 5-year vintage costs even a bit more due to the costs of storage, but it's a pittance for what you're getting, just trust me.

Appearance is a red mahogany with suspended stuff which looks like maybe carbonation at first but is actually delicious, delicious dirt. Even smelling the bottle after I prized off the slightly rusty cap, it had the nose of a world-class, top quality Rauchbier, which it is. Smells like the deep forest, maybe like decaying wood. Or like barbecue. People always say Rauchbier smells like bacon, but for Pete's sake people, show a little variety in your lexicon. First off, almost no beer actually smells like bacon. (Excluding that one I tried that was made with ham bone, but that's another matter entirely). Secondly, I was reading that English simply lacks a lot of words for tastes and smells which are identifiable by humans (and which exist in some other, perhaps more obscure languages). Absent the words to give voice to our perceptions, it would seem these flavors cease to exist, in an Orwellian puff of (oak) smoke, but they don't, and you'll just have to take my (lack of) word for it that this beer smells fucking great.

Taste is actually a bit easier. First and foremost, it's unabashedly a Doppelbock, and this comes through very clearly, even more to with aging. It's got that characteristic malt sweetness and hint of apple-juice character that I think comes from lager yeast, but don't quote me—those strains are know for being clean and relatively ester-free. It's got serious body, which as I've said time and again, until people roll their eyes and management starts making hand signals to the security staff, is crucial to a smoky beer, otherwise the smoke is acrid and unpalatable. It's also got a lot of wood, but smoke is here in spades as well, in addition to a character that I would liken to Parmasean cheese, but of course it doesn't actually taste like cheese. Boy would this pair well with cheese though. I'm talking a hard 1000-day Gouda. Not a smoked Gouda you rube—don't pair things which taste alike! But if smoke and Gouda go well enough together to justify smoking Gouda, you can bet a smoky beer will go well with an un-smoky Gouda, if you catch my drift. And the smoke is almost acrid; it's big and bold and tastes like a victorious day spent tending a Brinkmann charcoal smoker. Which is hard to do, and I'm terrible at it, so this beer exists for people like me.

If you like New Holland's Charkoota Rye (which gets aged in brandy barrels these days), you'll like this, and vice versa. Very similar beers, though I gather Charkoota is made with rye (of course this is also wordplay). If you don't like smoky things, you will absolutely hate this beer, so don't even try. Next time I'm at the store, I'm going to buy a couple of current year ones (I didn't get one this past time because I have a decent recollection of what this tastes like fresh) and stick them in my beer cellar.

Trappe-d

La Trappe Oak-Aged Quadrupel

This favorite of mine is packaged in corked (synthetic these days) and caged 375mL bottles, and is expensive. This particular bottle is from Batch 16 (my favorite is of course Batch 7, aged in whisky barrels. From reading descriptions, it seems possible that Batch 8 might be similar) and is a blend of brandy, Oloroso sherry, late Burgundy, and two levels of toasted new oak. With a five-way blend, the monks (though La Trappe is one of the more commercial trappist breweries) must be zeroing in on something; this batch was blended last year.

I should note that La Trappe used to be named Koningshoeven, but the Batch 7 bottles bear the La Trappe brand, so it is possible that the name change predates this barrel aging project (which seem to be a more recent development in general.) So I believe any Koningshoeven bottles you find are guaranteed to be several years old. Also, due to pricing, La Trappe can sit on shelves for a while—not  always a bad thing as their quad has aging potential. I have a recollection of a tripel (I think it was La Trappe) which was markedly superior on draft to in bottles, which surprised me. Try for yourself and let me know; it's a bit of a rarity in this market either way.

The cork smells okay even though it is difficult to remove and feels almost waxed. The pour smells hot, but with the nutty oxidized (the sherry, not the beer) character imparted by the fortified wine barrels. Tastes pretty good, and there's a lot more grape here than I'd have expected, which might explain the significant (20% overall) presence of new oak in the blend. The finish has that nutty sherry character as well as a bit more heat than I'm used to from this line. I have to really pay attention for it to taste like beer at all, but there's a great quad buried in there somewhere!

Ultimately, this beer is good, but not 'Batch 7 good' and not something I'd seek out or buy again. Conversely, I'd be willing to pay more for Batch 7 than this, provided I could afford it.

Not ready to give up the ghost / Going off the rails on a ghost train

"Freigeist" literally translates to 'free ghost' though I suspect it means something more along the lines of 'free spirit' inspite of the cartoon ghost on the outstanding packaging. I love the hand-lettering; very German and reminiscent of old movie titling, like from Metropolis.

Freigeist Ottekolong Unfiltered Kölsch

I poured this one into a tall glass. Not a real kölsch cylinder, but as close as I could manage. It's got way more funk that I'd expect for the style, so kölsch may be a misnomer. Just what exactly it smells like is really hard to pin down. 'Dishwater' sounds more negative than I mean to, but is not inaccurate. Taste-wise, it's full-bodied, with some earthy hops that to me taste kinda like arugula. It did say it was going to be hoppy, though only by German standards. Anyway, it's decent, and much less expensive than other beers I've had by the same brewery.

Burnside Brewing 'Merkur,' She Wrote Pale Ale

I didn't make notes on this, but I had a pint at a meeting with someone who owed me a favor and brought me back a cake of tea straight from China, but that's another story for another blog, one that doesn't exist yet.

Anyway, this beer promised, earthy hops, and boy does it deliver. One to try even for non-hop-lovers as it was under 50IBU, and not remarkably bitter. Well balanced, tasty, and showed off a (German, but I suppose I might've guessed) hop varietal I wasn't aware of. Not on their website, so possibly a one-off. Who knows if it will ever get bottled? (Buy a ticket to PDX, take the MAX to Lloyd Center [my home!], start walking south, and) Get down to East Burnside and try some!

Freigeist Geisterzug Traditional Spiced Gose

I've said this before and gotten weird looks, but actual German gose isn't necessarily that sour. Just like English IPA's aren't necessarily that bitter, I suppose. The style does involve some lacto souring, but in my limited experience, isn't any tarter than a berliner Weiße (no, you don't capitalize 'berliner,' but you do capitalize 'Weiße'... it's a long story.) Anyway, this one is named 'ghost train,' and I've got a one-way ticket to Beertown on the express line.

It's a potent smell, especially since it's warmed to near room temperature. I guess some of it's coriander, but I cheated and looked that up. A little bit tart and a little bit funk, but pretty complex and weighty, on account of the wheat. Not Reinheitsgebot compliant, Wikipedia notes that gose receives an exemption for being a traditional beer style (which sort of defeats the purpose).

To say nothing of the fact that the Reinheitsgebot is now defunct (replaced by a different law), and that its real purpose at inception was at least partially politicoeconomical, to prevent " to prevent price competition with bakers for wheat and rye" (Wikipedia). And that wheat beer is by definition, non-compliant.

I had thought that the Reinheitsgebot was completely defunct, but it does indeed live on in spirit as the Vorläufiges Biergesetz (according to Wikipedia), and applies to German-made beers (presumably with exceptions for styles like this), but not to imports. Quite possibly the reason we don't see zanier craft brewing out of the good old BRD.

Four Freigeist bottles. Note the glue lines marking previous labels from where bottles have been completely re-used, as compared to America, where you wait in a giant line for a machine to fail reading it 8 times in a row, ultimately smash it into shards, and dispense a five-cent gift certificate to  Fred Meyer.

Anyway, this beer is good, if not particularly spiced (to my perception) beyond some salt and maybe coriander, a hallmark of the style. But hey, in a country where spice in beer seems to still be literally illegal, that's got to count for something.

Getting S.M.A.S.H.ed

Portland Brewing Summer S.M.A.S.H

The acronym stands for Single Malt and Single Hop. Which malt? Which hops? It doesn't say on the bottle, but I looked it up and it was Simcoe and Goldpils Vienna, which might explain why I didn't really like it. I was guessing Cascade. Some slightly resiny hops were all that was coming through. I mean, there's a reason brewers normally use multiple varieties of these things, and the 'single' versions are to usually showcase a specific strain (Mosaic is popular for this), which may not yield the most delicious end product if the ingredient isn't versatile enough. This one could use more balance, but on the upside, it was quite inexpensive, as Portland Brewing beers tend to be, which handily lowers the barrier to entry.

This is going to sound awful, but it tastes better if you drink it faster. That is to say, don't sip it. You get more malt by drinking it a little quicker, and I'd buy that it's pilsner malt.

Portland Brewing claims they're out to brew the best craft beer in Portland. I don't buy that for a second. There's something to be said for value though, so maybe they are out to brew the cheapest craft beer in Portland; I'd buy that. And I did.

Can a good thing be improved upon?

Freigeist AbraxXxas Pear Lichtenhainer

Let me say first that I love the original version of this beer, even if it's not the Abraxas that everyone gets themselves so worked up about. This one has more 'x's. And a picture of Herman Hesse smoking a cigar on the label. Anyway, it seems there are in fact several versions of this, including a peated (!!!) version, and maybe an apple one as well. The first one I ever had struck me as extra smoky, but it was following (or preceding?) some distilled Schlenkerla at Pizza Paradiso, so who knows. But it was great.

Anyway, smelling the thing, it smells great. Like the original. What the hell is a 'Lichtenhainer,' anyway? I think we're going with 'Smoked Berliner Weiße'. Seems related to gose, grozidskie, and/or grätzer. Probably kind of an old style, a lacto sour (but not too sour) made with smoked malts. Because dear readers, once upon a time, all beer was sour, and all beer was made with smoked malt. What a time it must have been to be alive.

I love the labels on these, by the way. It's a shame I've never really gotten a chance to see them side by side in person, because they're different primary colors, and cool hand-lettered titles. But Shelton Bros doesn't seem to push the rest of the line very hard, and it's a smallish experimental arm of a German brewery, so presence in this market is going to be limited to begin with.

So the pear only really appears at the beginning of your sip. It feels like juice, and tastes a little bit like juice. I wish I had an original to do a side-by-side, but I deliberately left one bottle of the original at Beer Mongers when I last bought it (months ago), as I explained to the proprietor, for someone else to discover it. He seemed amused and pleased by this (he was also a big fan of the beer of course, which was why it was in the shop).

So yeah, mostly just the original Abraxxxas (a vaguely smoky gose-type beer) with a little bit of pear thrown in. Subtle, and interesting, the way an experimental beer oughtta be. Unfortunately, it was also quite expensive, so this is the only one I'm going to buy.

Lagunitas Citrus Sinensis

I kept thinking this would have tea in it because tea is Camellia sinensis, but oranges are Citrus sinensis, so tea has nothing to do with it. This is dryish and succeeds in finishing really cleanly which is a challenge with orange flavor of any kind. Especially considering the appearance, which contains  a serious amount of suspended pulp.

It's got some bitterness to it, but it's not really hoppy; the bitterness feels like it comes more from orange rind. Anyway, this is inexpensive and a winner in terms of getting orange flavor pretty bang-on. And I think they're only making it once! So go get some.

Oh and before I go, a note to you readers, although I realize there are not (m)any of you. I don't do paid endorsements for
beer or anything else (though only because I have not been offered to do so). Even when Vermont Brewers Fest admitted me after the festival sold out, I still paid for my ticket just like everyone else. And I don't even know if I wrote an article about it. (Editor's note: I did not. My record of Vermont stops mere hours before the festival. It was a great time though, and I promise to dig up my notes and photos and write up a piece on it soon.) I also don't get any ad revenue (So if you see any ads, feel free to ignore them. Don't you have AdBlock?). That makes this a labor of love, and to clarify, that refers to a love of beer, dear readers, not of you. Except Yandex.ru. I love you, Yandex.ru. (Editor's Note: Yandex.ru's search engine spider is generally the sole source of traffic to this website. So don't mess up its cobwebs.)

pFriem Barrel-Aged Flanders Red

Well, this one comes in a corked and caged demi; you know, that format I swore to never buy in again. But it sounded really good, and only cost $8 or $9 for a 13oz bottle! Ha; 'only'! It certainly does skew my perception of value. But on paper, this looks like something I'll really enjoy, so I accept the expense.

The beverage is difficult to smell, due mainly to the fan I have positioned roughly 18 inches from my face, due to the fact that Portland this summer is hot, on the order of Satan's scrotum. (How do I capitalize this? One 's'? Neither 's'? Both 's's? How do I pluralize 's'?). My brain can't think in the heat, and I can't convince the frigid, conditioned living room air to waft into my room, since neither fan that I mail-ordered has arrived, likely on account of the orders are all backed up on account of everybody and their mother wants fans now, and come winter, we'll all want storage space to hold them, and you'll be able to barter a useless space heater (which I also have) for three of 'em. Now one of these fans, I tried to go to the store to get, but they were out of stock. The next day when I looked online, they claimed they were back in stock, but you have to get up pretty early to fool me these days, so it will be arriving by way of some poor courier who has to lug it up the steps. Courier, if you are reading this, I owe you a beer. Please write your selection, along with an angry note about how much shit of mine you have had to drag up those fucking steps, in my mailbox, and I will do my best to accommodate.

Anyway, this beer smells pretty good. It looks pretty dark, on account of I have all the lights off or dimmed because it's so fucking hot. Clearish red-amber with small bubbles. What did you expect? If you are the type of person (not that I believe in 'types' of person) who wants to stare at their beer all day (okay, I believe in this type of person, but I hope to never encounter them), then I don't understand you and you should probably quit reading now. So the smell is sour and a little funky, like tart cherries and red currants or lingonberries.

And, as most things that humans consume, it tastes a lot like it smells. It's pretty decently balanced, but it's got a big wild yeast kick, and I want to say Brettanomyces. Speaking of kick, the music I'm listening to just hit the point where the compressor goes crazy, and it feels like your brain is trying to escape your skull on the downbeat, via your ears, but somehow in a way that's not wholly unpleasant. Anyway, it's sour, and has a definitely apple cider vinegar component, but it's not bad. It's more sour that way than you'd expect from "Flanders Red Ale," and especially from one that's aged in oak (Pinot Noir barrels) for 18 months. Which incidentally, is not super-evident to me, but I'd have to have them side-by-side, I suppose. Should've thought of that at the store, I guess.

The texture is pretty nice, the carbonation is brisk, and I'm assuming it's bottle conditioned or else the other bottle of this languishing in my luxurious beer cellar (I rent a locker in a climate/humidity-controlled subterranean 12" concrete bunker, and if this sounds awesome to you as well, hit me up. I get a referral bonus. And this blog is strictly non-profit. No ads, or if there are any, you should block them. They don't pay me, and to be honest, even in a stream-of-conscious format, I'm pretty sure I spend more time writing this blog than its collective readership spends reading it, combined. Which says something about me, and also about you, and I'm trying to work out whether either statement is complimentary. Or complementary?)

Some of the elevation in language on this blog, I should note, is due to my sixth-grade English teacher, into whom I ran (I don't make the grammar rules, I just follow 'em) whilst waiting for breakfast last month. Not that I waited the entire month. Anyway, she asked if I was still writing, and insisted that I ought to be, and this poor blog was the only example I could muster. So if you are reading, yes—I am still writing! And trying to read more Hunter S. Thompson. And occasionally starting sentences with conjunctions. My school psychologist from the time was there as well, as was my sixth grade math teacher (yes, all these truly wonderful people still find time to keep up with each other, and with me!), so if either of you are reading, cheers to you as well!

As the beer warms, it mellows out a bit, but the lingering mouth-coating aftertaste means you'll want a glass of water handy. Though many of the popular sours du jour have this character, I'm not going to let that convince me it's good. I once spoke with a beer rep (whose name and affiliation will be omitted, like every other relevant detail on this blog) who noted that Cantillon once made great beer, but once demand spiked, their quality dropped and the beers turned to essentially vinegar. I hadn't had 'old' Cantillon, but for the new stuff, I agree wholeheartedly with his assesment. He further said that this vinegar beer was associated with their famous, popular name, and that neophytes assumed that this is what 'good' sour beer ought to taste like, hence proliferation of vinegar beer.

In conclusion, this beer is good: more sour (and funky) than I'd expect from a Flanders Red, and expensive, but not criminally so. Cheaper than a St. Bon Chien. And local! I'll either save or trade my other bottle, but I'm not rushing back to the overpriced grocery store for another any time soon.

Editor's Note: I consumed the other bottle around 9 months later and it was great.

Beer and Loathing in Virginia - Everything Old is New Again

First off, a big shout-out to Yandex (a Russian search engine/page spider), the Number One Reader of Beer and Loathing! One day maybe this blog will be read by humans, and maybe they will find it through Yandex.

O'Connor Norfolk Canyon Pale Ale

It's bright, crisp, and clean, but not too hoppy. Refreshing and approachable; doesn't smell like much of anything. Taste has a sort of biscuity malt too, I guess. Basically the kind of beer I don't ordinarily drink because my palate has been addled by alderwood smoke, mission figs, vanilla beans, whole-cone hops, yuzus, and other inexplicable adjuncts. But it's good. Totally unobjectionable except for the picture of the fish on the bottle. Fish scare me.

Devil's Backbone Azrael

This smells kind of 'off' to me, but it tastes fine. Belgian yeast is the star player here, with that special bubblegum character you may or may not care for yourself. Sweet, honeyish malt, and while I think it's been lightly hopped, I would guess that this beer has been balanced with coriander, but definitely not overdone. Cool label too, featuring Azrael, the archangel of death. The beer itself does not make me wish I were dead, so I am confused of its etymological origin. I'll ask Jason the next time I see him...

Fruit Salad

Shiner Prickly Pear Lager

It's decent. Tastes kinda like what you'd imagine a prickly pear would taste like (admit it: you haven't eaten one and neither have I).  And other than that, it's a decent tasting lager. It has enough hops but isn't hoppy, and it's not sweet either. Even holds up once it's not cold anymore.

Flying Dog Blood Line

There's a big hop component to the smell of the Blood Line, but taste wise, it tastes like a cross between orange juice and beer, which it is. Unfortunately, I like really pulpy orange juice and this is crystal clear. More gold-amber than orange. And the orange character is really more juice than zest or tartness, if that makes sense. If you love orange juice, you may love this. Or you may consider it a perversion against that which you love most. I think it's decent. For a beer that's supposed to taste like "blood orange", I am grateful that it tastes like orange and not like blood.

Omnipollo Hypnopompa

I've been looking forward to this all week, saying the name aloud every time I open the fridge.

It's quite heady, with powerful, even bitter malt and some hop presence too. Do yourself a giant favor and take the thing out of the fridge first. Drinking it cold kills it—it starts to taste good around 62°F to my meat thermometer, which also probably makes it taste slightly more like chicken strips.

It is at these temperatures that the chocolate, mallow root, and other fun flavors show themselves. Like a naked guy coming in from a blizzard, the flavor in this one is a grower, not a shower. The bitterness really subsides, and I'm left with the impression that if aged, this would get real leathery and even more delicious. If I find myself in a beer store with some extra coin, and if my new apartment has somewhere appropriate to store it, I'll get another.

I love the bottle on this. Fun disco font on the back, and these little white discs on the front. What are they? A venn diagram?

Nope, they're little eyes! Too cute. There's actually black printing on the brown bottle (which is impossible to see when it's full of dark beer), but once you empty it, it's staring back at you!

Anyway, this is a winner. I'd keep the bottle too, if I had space. A bit expensive, but worth it, and I'd save it away for a year or five for best results.

(Hits and) Misses

Northwest Brewing Company Mango Weizen

The label says Mango Weizen. To me, it tastes like neither a mango, nor a weizen. The label also says it's on clearance, and now you know why I bought it. It wasn't even good enough to take a picture of it, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

New Belgium Pear Ginger Beer Contains Alcohol

The new Belgium one on the other hand has a beautiful printed bottle. I love the Lips of Faith series, as has been evidenced by previous posts. It doesn't really taste like pear, but there is definitely a ginger kick. It doesn't work that well, but it's all right. If you really sniff hard it kinda smells like pears. And the bottle says it contains alcohol, which it definitely does, though mercifully it does not taste too much like alcohol. Anyway, this is decent but not great: a bummer, because it's on the pricy side, but when you use adjuncts such as those, the end result is just going to cost more. New Belgium's Lips of Faith is sometimes a bit hit or miss, and this one I just have to pass on.

pFriem Belgian Strong Blonde

Time to see what the hype is all about. pFriem, local Oregon favorites, finally started bottling, so I now have no excuse not to try any.

This has a really nice color. It's a kind of peach-tone gradient with little bubbles and a creamy white head. It also has a great mouthfeel, rich and creamy. Smell is punchy, and I think there's a little too much coriander here for my taste. But other than coriander, it tastes kinda like banana (but less sweet), and maybe peach (though really it more looks like a peach than tastes like one). Other than that, not tons going on here, though assuming this is bottle conditioned (judging by the sediment), I could see this improving with age.

The label, incidentally, said it would taste like pear and clove. I don't really taste either.

In conclusion, this beer is good, and I look forward to trying more from pFriem. Corked and caged 375mL bottle makes for a nice presentation and is an appropriate size to share or consume by yourself. Was it worth $6? Not to me, but in the immortal parlance of LeVar Burton, you don't have to take my word for it.

de Garde Tableau Rouge

Smells sour, maybe like wild strawberries, with a slight off-note which reminds me of dishwater.
Taste is tart and dry, floral with that same wild strawberry. Lingers a bit (you'll want a glass of seltzer to go with it), but overall pretty balanced and tasty. Glad I grabbed this when I did, as it seemed to be flying off the shelves at the Whole Foods in the Pearl. Fuckin' hipsters. They can have the sour beer; I'll take the smoky beer.

Which is not to say that I don't appreciate a good sour beer now and then. Nor to espouse undue hatred on the hip—my own facial hair style is goofier than most and all of my clothes are secondhand. But there is a certain type of sour-beer-swiller (you can tell, because they were swilling IPAs two years ago) who would be just as happy sipping some carbonated apple cider vinegar as a decent beer.

A rep once explained the Cantillon mystery to me (it always tasted like vinegar to my palate). He said that Cantillon was a famous brewery that produced great sour beer, but had to ramp up production in the face of widespread demand. This caused a shift in their product towards tasting oppressively of vinegar, but with their brand recognition, whenever a neophyte sipped this vinegar brew, heralded as the best of the best, they formed an impression that vinegar was how sour beers are supposed to taste, and the rest is history. Narsty, narsty history.

Anyway de Garde is producing some pretty darn good beers, and I say that as a non-sour-head. I have noted the dishwater smell in Petit Desay, so it may simply be an ester from their house/local yeast. And this beer is pretty good as well. Not stupidly expensive (less than half the price of a Cascade), and also not terribly high in alcohol (5%). Seems like this could go with sushi or chevre or greens or maybe I'm saying that because it reminds me a little bit of a raspberry vinaigrette salad dressing.

Better than "Slowenbier"

Yes, our friends (my friends? my would-be friends?) at Schlenkerla Bierbrauerei have finally packaged their renowned Fastenbier—a Lenten smoked seasonal brew previously available on draft only, and (to date) still the top-ranked rauchbier on beer rating website (among beers with 4 or more reviews). (Editor's note: evidently it appears to be the top-ranked smoked beer on several beer reviewing websites.)

So how is it? I lovingly prize the cap off the bottle, attempting to keep it intact; it's a shiny purple one and would look great as an ornament on my Christmas tree (which is generally beer-themed). I bend it, obviously.

My hero Matt Brown at Wine Warehouse described described this as a more approachable rauchbier, and after he offered it as a featured beer at a recent tasting, he proved himself right and sold himself out of every bottle. Excepting of course the one he saved for me (like I said, he is a hero).

To smell this, the smoke is intense, and I think it's the same beechwood as their flagship line (I prefer their oak-smoked, which only costs a little more. Also I enjoy other types of wood for smoking, like applewood, but these folks are traditionalists and who am I to argue with delicious tradition?) When you sip it, it's thick, and this is the point of a Lent beer—it's designed to sustain monks who are fasting, and in Bavaria, beer still enjoys legally protected status as food. The smoke is on the acrid side, but that hefty backbone keeps it from being overpowering. The copy text for the beer says it has a 'hoppy bite', (but these are Germans we're talking about) and while it does have some bitterness to it, it's not 'American hoppy' by any stretch of the imagination. It also claims to be made with a percentage of unsmoked malt, which you might never guess, because it's pretty darn smoky.

It's unfiltered and vintage dated "Anno Domini MMXV", but I drank it fresh. I guess it might do things over time, but it's hard for me to imagine what. Especially being brewed as a once-a-year seasonal, I think you'd be ill-advised to put this one away.

Anyway, this beer is a success, and may finally (please?) make 2015 the Year of the Smoky Beer, which I have been predicting (unsuccessfully) for the past three years (at least). Restauranteurs and chefs love 'em; they hold up much better with food than many other beverages (beers included). The brew is a success for being thick and substantial, which keeps smoke from becoming acrid or overwhelming (for another example, see New Holland Charkoota Rye, though for the past few years this has been only available in a brandy-barrel aged variety, which is also fantastic, but buries the lede a bit)

Woodland Empire Crispy Apple Turnover

I bought this at Beer Mongers late into (yet not at the end of) an evening of attempting to keep pace with my one-time beer mentor, fulfilling my role as Portland tour guide over an epic few nights of bar hopping.

I'm not sure why exactly I lighted on this one, but I'm glad I did. Probably because of the word "Crispy," which is irresistible to drunk people, and arguably impossible for a beer to be (though 'crisp' is another matter). The beer itself, while made with apples, doesn't beat you over the head with them, and the finish, surprisingly, is a sort of caramel that turns into... flaky pastry flavor? Like a croissant? The name seems pretty apt really, and the really special part is that even though it's slightly warming at 10% (you would not know this, to taste it), it doesn't linger or coat your palate. It's pretty good. Smell wise, I guess it could smell more appley. And taste-wise too. Why are they called Apple Jacks if they don't taste like apple? It also has an aspect of 'generic strong beer' that I could do without.

The label is cool too. A dog with ram horns, a Dungeons and Dragons d20, and a sword with elvish on it. I guess ultimately I could take or leave this beer, but it's decent, so if you think you might like it, I'm not gonna say you nay.

Deschutes - Black Butte XXVI

This is how some of my reviews look before I type them up. In the interest of illegibility and poor search-engine optimization, I have presented this in its original formatting:

Seems Deschutes is about the same age I am. Had this on draft and it was still pretty rough, but I'm optimistic for it in months/years to come.

Burnside Brewing Sweet Heat

Smells like apricot and tastes like it too, but punctuated with a ton of carbonation and some serious, lingering spicy heat. Apart from that, it's a kinda watery, fizzy wheat beer (I believe it says it's a wheat beer). You would have to like apricot to enjoy this, as well as spicy food. I don't really enjoy either, so my enjoyment is hindered, but it's decent nonetheless. Certainly a good price, and a lot of flavor for not too high of an ABV, so it's got that going for it too. Pair this one with chicken wings or something... I'm sure someone has come up with a better food paring than that, but I can't think of one. Weird label on this one, or rather a weird mascot for Burnside—looks like some kind of succubus or sphinx or something holding a pitcher.