Classism on Airlines
In light of line-skipping payola schemes and executive clubs, luxury in airports, the greatest equalizer of humanity since Samuel Colt's, fascinates me.
Ideas for value-added premium airline experiences:
Superimpose your millimeter-wave-scanned face onto the body of a more attractive naked person for security review.
Pay toilets, to add a European flair.
Seat upgrade option to a cabin in which no children are allowed.
For a fee, a passenger may bypass the ban on cellular phone use in flight. For a higher fee, another passenger may reinstate it.
Liquids are now allowed in carry-on baggage, but passengers are prohibited from carrying any solid objects.
No person trained in martial arts shall be allowed as a passenger. Their whole body is a weapon.
In the event of sudden cabin decompression, swipe Visa/Mastercard/Discover for an air mask, which are available for convenient purchase above your head. Please purchase your own mask before assisting others in purchasing theirs.
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